Limits (hard and soft limits)
FundamentalsAlso known as: hard limit, soft limit, absolute limits
Limits are each person’s boundaries in BDSM: hard limits can never be crossed, soft limits are things to approach only with caution or under certain conditions.
Everyone has boundaries, and in BDSM they’re called limits. Knowing them, stating them and respecting them is what allows you to play intensely without getting hurt. They are usually divided into two types.
Hard limits and soft limits
- Hard limit: something that isn’t done, full stop. It isn’t discussed during the scene and you don’t “try and see”. It can be a practice, a word, an area of the body, a theme.
- Soft limit: something that causes discomfort, fear or curiosity, and that can be approached only with great caution, under certain conditions, with someone you trust or perhaps later on.
Alongside limits there are desires: what you’d like to try, what you love. Many couples use lists of practices, marking each one “yes”, “maybe” or “no”.
Why they matter
Limits aren’t an obstacle to play, they’re its frame. Knowing where the boundary lies allows the person who submits to let go and the person who dominates to lead without fear of causing harm. Dominants have limits too, and they must be respected in the same way.
How to handle them
- Talk about them beforehand, with a clear head, not in the middle of a scene.
- Limits can change over time: a soft limit can become a yes, but a yes can also become a no.
- Approaching a soft limit only happens after talking about it openly, never by surprise.
- Anyone who ignores a hard limit is violating consent, not playing.
On Corda Rossa it’s a good idea to state your limits in your ad or in your first conversations: it’s a quick way to find compatible people.