Shibari for beginners: ropes, knots and safety

Shibari fascinates with its beauty: ropes that trace the body, slow gestures, a deep understanding between the person tying and the person being tied. Precisely because it looks simple, it's easy to underestimate. Ropes can compress nerves and blood vessels, and a trivial mistake can leave effects for weeks. Here's where to start.

What shibari is

Shibari is a Japanese word meaning “tying”. In the West it's used, often alongside kinbaku (“tight binding”), to refer to the Japanese art of rope bondage, which draws on ancient restraint techniques and over time has become an erotic and aesthetic practice. Some experience it as BDSM play, some as a sensual or meditative experience, some as an art form to photograph or perform.

The person tying is often called the rigger, the person being tied the rope bottom or, more affectionately, the bunny. There's also a distinction between floorwork, where the person stays on the floor, and suspensions, where they're lifted fully or partly off the ground. For beginners, only the first exists.

Choosing ropes and looking after them

Traditional ropes are made of natural fibre. Jute is the most widely used: light and with good grip on knots, but it needs to be treated and softened before use. Hemp is sturdier and a little heavier, and softens over time. Both give the rough, warm feel typical of shibari.

Many people choose synthetic ropes for practice. Cotton is soft and cheap, but tends to stretch and its knots tighten under tension, becoming hard to undo. Synthetic multifilament ropes are washable and strong, but slippery: if pulled quickly across the skin they can cause friction burns.

The most common diameter is about 6 millimetres. The classic length is 7 to 8 metres, with a few shorter ropes, around 4 metres, to finish off ties. Four or five are enough to start with. Best to avoid hardware-shop ropes: they're often stiff, rough or treated with oils and substances not meant for contact with skin.

Store your ropes dry, coiled loosely, away from damp and heat sources. Before each use, check them along their whole length: broken fibres, thinned or frayed spots are a good reason to set them aside. Natural fibres aren't easy to wash: if a rope comes into contact with bodily fluids, it's safer not to use it with other people.

Safety rules to know by heart

Even before knots, there are some rules that have no exceptions:

• Safety shears always within reach: the round-tipped kind, also used in healthcare, that cut rope without injuring skin. They must be close to you, not in another room.
• Never put rope around the neck, not even loosely or just for show: a slip or a dizzy spell is all it takes for it to become dangerous.
• No suspensions without proper training, with experienced teachers and suitable anchor points. You can't learn them from a video.
• A person who is tied up is never left alone, not even for a minute. If you need to step away, untie them first.
• No alcohol or drugs, either for the person tying or the person being tied.
• Ropes mustn't be too tight, especially around the chest, where they can make breathing difficult: you should be able to slide a finger between rope and skin.
• Practise untying quickly as well as tying: if there's a problem, every second counts.

A good habit is to start with the simplest tie, around a single wrist or ankle, learning to do it so that it doesn't tighten by itself when pulled. It's the foundation everything else is built on.

Nerves and circulation: the signs not to ignore

The most common risk in shibari isn't a fall, but a compressed nerve. Some areas are particularly delicate: the outer side of the upper arm, the elbow, the wrists and the outer area just below the knee. There the nerves run close to the skin, and a rope in the wrong place can damage them even without causing pain.

That's why, while tying, you check the hands often: the tied person squeezes the rigger's fingers, moves their thumbs, opens and closes their fists. You watch the colour and temperature of the skin. And the person being tied reports any strange sensation straight away, without waiting for it to pass.

Watch out for drops in blood pressure too: someone who stays tied standing up for a long time may feel weak or faint. If the person turns pale, breaks into a cold sweat or says they feel dizzy, help them sit or lie down and untie them.

Talk about health conditions beforehand: circulation problems, diabetes, joint problems, recent injuries, blood-thinning medication. If in doubt, ask a doctor for advice before trying.

Communicate before, during and after

Shibari is a dialogue. Before starting, you agree on limits, areas of the body to avoid, duration and signals: the safeword and a non-verbal signal, in case the tied person can't speak. During, you check in often, with simple questions: “how are your hands?”, “what colour?”.

Ropes can stir strong emotions, pleasant or unexpected. The person being tied may feel vulnerable, get emotional or need to stop without being able to explain why, and that's fine. After the session, spend a few minutes on aftercare: untie calmly, check the rope marks, drink some water, talk about how it went. Marks usually disappear within a few hours or a day; if they last a long time or hurt, it's a warning sign.

Learning through courses and groups

Videos are useful for revision, but they can't correct you. A teacher sees how you pull the rope, where you place it and how tight you make it, and stops you before a mistake becomes a habit. In many European cities there are courses, schools and shared practice evenings, where you learn in a group and in a controlled environment.

Choose teachers who talk about safety and consent before aesthetics, who make you practise the basics at length and who don't push you towards suspensions too soon. To get comfortable with knots you can also practise on a cushion or on your own leg, before tying another person.

On Corda Rossa there's a category dedicated to bondage, where you can look for people in your area to practise with or to attend a course with. Talk at length in the site's chat and agree on limits and signals before meeting: anyone who takes safety lightly in words is unlikely to respect it with ropes in hand.